ALADDIN: THE DIAMOND LIKES IT ROUGH
This fast-paced script is our most outrageous! Featuring a messy scene in Widow Wankey's 'Horndrette', and the Twelve Days of Christmas as you've never seen it before!
CHARACTERS
Aladdin - Our cheeky chappy hero, who always finds himself in trouble.
Princess Jasminge - Our princess, desperate to escape the protection of the palace and live her life.
Knobby the Panda - Outrageous and offensive, but it's okay because he's a cuddly panda.
Widow Wankey - Owner of a sex shop, Wankey's Horndrette. The usual dirty and desperate spinster.
Upherarser - The greatest magician in all of Egypt.
Sergeant Woke and PC PC - Two bumbling policemen, one of which happens to be a puppet (PC PC).
Show-Thigh (Dual) - Jasminge's lesbian handmaiden. Butch, nanny vibes.
The Spirit of Cock Ring (Dual) - Completely uninterested and her powers are limited.
The Genie of the Camp - Flamboyant and extravagant.
EXCERPT FROM ACT II SCENE THREE: THE HORNDRETTE © Oh Yes It Is Pantos.
ALADDIN: Spirit, can you help transport us to Egypt so that we can rescue Princess Jasminge?
SPIRIT OF THE COCK RING: Well, by myself, I only have the power to freeze people to the spot.
KNOBBY THE PANDA: Me and my ex used to freeze my cock before sex. We broke it off.
SPIRIT OF THE COCK RING: But maybe with the help of all the boys and girls in the room, we can generate enough energy to magic up a boat to sail us there. I need you all to say ' I do believe in ferries. I do. I do. '
ALL: I do believe in ferries. I do. I do. I do believe in ferries. I do. I do.
SOUND CUE - SHIP'S HORN
WIDOW WANKEY: NIGHTBOAT TO CAIRO!
REVIEWS:
PERFORMED BY:
Hedge End Adult Pantos, April & May 2026